Decided to do a self portrait (of a sort).
I have ADD as you probably already know, undiagnosed for most of my life. Life (work, study, hobbies) has been…interesting. I’m ‘high functioning’ which is how I got through school and uni, cause I compensate by lucking out on being driven and getting shit done anyway – but I always knew there was something really weird going on and I struggled with really, really, stupid things I should not have struggled with. I’m very easily distracted. I have energy problems. I have focus problems. I have learning problems. I’ve got numerical dyslexia. I have watched my hand write down numbers that I’m transcribing totally incorrectly. I forget how to spell my name when I’m doing handwriting. I am incapable of writing down an accurate address. It’s all very odd and frustrating.
Recently I saw a hypnotherapist and we made some progress into why I am like this and I have been dealing a bit with my attention and boredom that way – now I no longer take ritalin for it which is good cause I hated that stuff. It was not addictive, it was annoying. It took all the random thoughts i had during the day and repressed them – and then they all tumbled back into my head AT ONCE four hours later, leaving me reeling with disjointed images and ideas that exhausted me. Now I’m back to dealing with those thoughts as they crop up during the day and not taking something that made me feel very odd.
The picture below is pretty much a good extrapolation of what my day is every day. Trying to focus on the screen while the joint is jumping around me…sometimes I win. Sometimes the distractions win. It’s all part of the game. Sometimes I don’t cope. Sometimes I’m fine. But it’s pretty much factually accurate. It was me today while I was setting up test data, for example. I defeated it today mostly and set up some pretty fine data!