Work training days are only good for the lunches

 

Training day lunch

Training day lunch

I was informed last week that I get to go to an offsite Project Day next Friday. The entire day, discussing the project, with the whole project team.

It’s going to, (not)literally, kill me. That many hours being forced to listen or, worse, Role Play (and not the Runequest or Chutulu kind of role play), is going to make my brain explode, implode, and then explode again.  It’s going to be worse if it’s meetings. Mabye I’ll bring a sketch book and get a LOT of good source material for a series of pictures of people stuck in Team Days. I better bring my silly putty which I have on my desk and I work at and squish about while I’m working to keep myself sane.

I’ve been on a lot of team days, I’ve been on a lot of training days, and the only good thing about most of them is THE LUNCH.  Actually, there is on exception – the ISTQB Advanced Level Test analyst course with Toby was pretty rocking. Then again, this is the only course I really requested to go to rather than be told I was going to, and…I actually LEARNED on that course partly cause the trainer was really into it as were all the participants.

The lunch is usually a buffet and it’s usually pretty good.  There is always salad that is really well done and you don’t have to pay 10 bucks for like if you are buying a salad in the city. I am fond of the lunches. Pity I can’t just go on Friday for THE LUNCH.  Not eating dessert any more has not changed the goodness of the lunches either. mmmmmm. Lunch.

The ITIL training place I went to recently had a fridge of expensive ice creams which people were allowed to eat as many of as they wanted. I don’t eat ice cream so not really a major draw card for me. Our trainer admitted that it got them a lot of business though: if you have to send your staff to somewhere to do a course that many people run, which one do we pick? The ONES WITH THE ICE CREAMS!  (I did say that I don’t eat ice cream, so instead I told my colleague that I’d get my vicarious ice cream thrill by watching HIM eat an ice cream. Which I did. After that, he refused to eat any other ice cream near me because apparently that was ‘creepy’.).

The actual painting in this post was based on the ITIL lunch, btw.

While we are waiting for the lunch on Friday, how will they fill out the hours? Will it be scope meetings? Will it be a love-in  or a cuddle-puddle? I wait with such anticipation.

I love the term ‘cuddle-puddle’ mostly because it fills me with repulsion. The sort of person who would want to be involved in a cuddle-puddle is the sort of person i don’t want to touch overly much, I think.

I will presume there will be some sort of egg-and-cardboard construction game, like the one we did for the Test Team Day, or even a hand holdy kind of thing like I did 3 jobs ago where we were joined and had to unravel ourselves in what has to be the most awkward invasion of personal space I’ve ever done in a Team Day.

I generally like the teams I work with but I don’t want to hold their hands. That is icky. My current technology project team who will be going to the day are pretty rocking (even if I’m banned from watching one of them eat ice-cream) and it makes the day nice to be able to hang out with such excellent people. However we do get to spend a lot of time doing our own work (even if interacting and talking about stuff in between) and picking when you get a drink or go to lunch and wandering off and taking breaks when you want them – is valuable to me. This all gets removed on team/training day events so yes, I’m a bit sooky about this up coming Friday.

At least the lunch will be nice.